


Not a Puzzle Piece

by thesmolestnerd



Series: Autistic!Lexa modern AU [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Athlete Lexa, Autism, Autistic Lexa, Courtroom Drama, Dating, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I try my best at autistic representation but I make no promises, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Med Student Clarke, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Protective Clarke, Smut, meltdowns, rugby player lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-02-17 07:04:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13071645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesmolestnerd/pseuds/thesmolestnerd
Summary: Several months after Clarke's accident, all seems well for the Woods family. But when a figure from Lexa's past reappears, will Lexa and Clarke be able to cope with it?(Sequel to The Highs and Lows of Functioning)





	1. Clarke

**Author's Note:**

> Ta da! Here it is: the first chapter of THaLoF sequel! Lemme know what you think!

Clarke smoothed the front of her dress and took a deep breath. It was just a date…with Lexa. She had had…none of those before. Absolutely none. Yes, they ha been unofficial girlfriends for the six weeks since Clarke’s second surgery, but tonight they had a real date. 

Clarke swallowed and looked at herself in the mirror. She’s tried to go simple and elegant. A long purple gown, a necklace, and very short heels. Lexa had somehow got them reservations at an exceedingly fancy restaurant. She had no idea what Lexa was wearing. She hoped that Lexa would dress up as nice as this restaurant required. 

There was a honk outside. 

“Princess! Your ride is here!” yelled Raven. Clarke sighed. She finished up her makeup.

“Coming!” said Clarke. 

“Yeah, you will be tonight! When you and Lexa get down and dirty—”

“Raven, shut up!” Clarke limped down the hall. Raven looked up.

“Damn, girl,” she said. “You look hot as fuck. Lexa’s gonna die.” Clarke smirked. 

“Shut up, Rae,” she said. Raven shook her head.

“Is Anya chaperoning?” she said. Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“She’s just driving up there and back since neither of us can drive,” said Clarke. “Why? Did you want us to double date?” Raven snorted.

“What? No,” she scoffed. 

“Sure,” said Clarke. “See you later.”

“Have fun. Be home by 11,” said Raven. Clarke rolled her eyes and closed the door behind her. 

Lexa was holding the door. She looked…stunning. She had on a dark suit that hugged her curves. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders. 

“You looked amazing,” said Clarke. She stepped up so they were chest to chest. “Can I kiss you?” Lexa nodded. Clarke pecked her on the lips. She stepped back enough to see red travel up Lexa’s cheek. Clarke squeezed her shoulder. “Are you excited?” Lexa nodded. 

“Anya wrote me note cards,” she said. 

“Why?” asked Clarke. 

“So I would know what to say,” said Lexa. Clarke shook her head. “Sometimes I don’t know what to say in restaurants, so we practiced.” 

“I love you,” she said. 

“I love you too; now get in the car,” snapped Anya.

“After you,” said Lexa. Clarke got in and Lexa slid in after her. They both buckled up. Clarke immediately wrapped her hand around Lexa’s. Lexa smiled. She reached out and touched Clarke’s dress. “Soft. I like it.” Clarke nudged her in the hip. 

“That’s all you like about it?” Clarke teased. Lexa put her head on Clarke’s shoulder. 

“I like your boobs,” she said. Clarke smirked. Lexa pressed her nose into the top of her breast. “I’m so happy that your better now.” 

“Me too, Lex,” she said. 

“Keep it PG,” said Anya. Lexa sat back. 

“Fine,” she said. Clarke rolled her eyes and pulled her face closer. She kissed Lexa passionately. Lexa tensed up for a second before relaxing into her lips. Anya made a gagging noise. Lexa pulled back and her eyebrows creased. 

“She’s kidding,” said Clarke. Clarke pulled her back. Lexa fell forward and started rubbing the opening in the back of her dress. “Lexa…” she moaned.

“Clarke I—”

“No,” said Anya. “Wait. Don’t ask her now.” Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Ask me what?” asked Clarke. Anya made eye contact with her in the rearview mirror and shook her head.  
“We're here,” said Anya. “Get out.” Lexa really looked nervous now. Clarke squeezed her hand.

“Come on,” said Clarke. She nudged Lexa out. Lexa nodded. 

“Right…”she said. She opened the car door and held it for Clarke. “I'll text you to pick us up.” Clarke pushed herself out of the car.

“No you won’t. We'll Uber back,” she said. Anya raised an eyebrow.

“Okay. Take care of my sister, Griffin,” she said. Clarke nodded. 

Lexa and Clarke walked into the restaurant. Lexa gulped and walked over to the hostess. 

“R-reservations for Alexandria Woods,” said Lexa. The hostess nodded.

“This way,” she said. Clarke linked arms with Lexa. 

“Is it terrible that i’ve never realized your full name was Alexandria?” she asked. Lexa smiled.

“A little bit, Clarke Elizabeth Griffin,” she said. Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“How…?” 

“Your mother has a picture of you in her office shortly after you were born with your full name and birthday on it,” she said. The hostess sat them down at a table in a quiet back corner.

“When were you in my mother’s office?” asked Clarke, glancing through the menu. 

“A while ago. It doesn't matter,” said Lexa.

“Kinda does,” said Clarke. Lexa started clicking her fidget cube back and forth.

“Did I...was that wrong?” said Lexa. Clarke looked up from the menu. She sighed. 

“No. My relationship with my mom is complicated. I just don't like that you were alone with her,” said Clarke. 

“Oh,” said Lexa.

“It's okay,” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. “I'm sorry to bring it up. Let's just enjoy this,” Lexa nodded, but she still looked tense. Clarke kissed the back of her hand. He looked back at the menu. “What are you ordering?” Lexa pulled a flash card from her jacket pocket. “Did you and Anya come and scope this place out?” Lexa looked down and nodded. “I didn't mean it as a bad thing.” 

“Sorry,” said Lexa.

“Don't apologize. It’s only our first date after all…” said Clarke. “And it's not your fault.” Lexa smiled uncomfortably.

“Hi. I'll be your waiter tonight.” Lexa jumped. “What will you be starting off with tonight?” The waiter gave her a condescending smile. Lexa flipped through her index cards. They slipped from her hands and fell all over the floor.

“I, um, I…” Lexa stared a hole in the floor.

“Take your time,” said the waiter. “I can come back if you're not ready.” 

“Yeah. Would you mind giving us a minute?”said Clarke. He nodded and walked off. Lexa glanced up at her. Clarke reached over me intertwined their fingers. “Lexa, what's wrong?” Lexa shrugged. “Are you nervous to be at the restaurant?” She shrugged again and took a deep breath. She made eye contact with Clarke.

“I want to have sex with you,” she said. Clarke blinked.

“What?”

“I want to have sex with you,” said Lexa. “I wanna touch you everywhere, and I want you to touch me everywhere and I want to touch your boobs a lot and maybe lick them and--I mean, if you want to?” Clarke’s face was bright red, and she couldn't think. “Clarke?”

“I love you, Lexa. Of course I want to,” said Clarke. A relieved smile broke cross Lexa’s face.

“Thank God.”

“If this restaurant weren't so nice, I would take you under the table right now,” said Clarke.

“Wouldn’t other people see?” asked Lexa. Clarke gave her a seductive smiled.

“That's kind of the point,” she said.

“Ready to order?” The waiter had returned. Lexa didn't even bother taking her eyes of Clarke.

“We’re not eating here, thank you. I'm going to go back to my girlfriends apartment and have sex with her,” said Lexa. She pulled back her chair. Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa full on the mouth before they ran out.

“We are never having a date in a place that stuffy again,” said Clarke as she arranged for an Uber. “Next time, we're getting Chinese and watching Black Mirror.” Lexa smiled.

“I'd like that,” she said. “I would probably like it more if we were naked but let's see how tonight goes.” Clarke kissed her on the cheek. 

“God,” she said. “ I really do love you.”


	2. Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa flashesback to right after Clarke's release from the hospital. Then we got on to present...fun times...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back...it only took, what, 7 months for this chapter. I'm going to try to work on this story more and give you guys weekly updates at least for, like, the next two months, but I dunno. I'm sorry for making you guys wait and thanks to evryone who stayed with me.

Lexa knocked on the door before turning the key in the lock. She opened the door and looked over at Clarke in the lounger.

“Giving you a key means you don’t have to knock,” she said. 

“S-sorry,” said Lexa. Clarke smirked and shook her head. Clarke and Raven’s apartment was kind of a disaster. The rational part of Lexa realized that this was probably bad for Clarke’s healing. She stepped over some of the pizza boxes and gauze rappers. She stood next to the lounger, straight backed.

“How are you feeling, Clarke?” asked Lexa. Clarke chuckled and rubbed Lexa’s arm. Lexa tried not to flinch back in surprise. 

“Sorry. I forgot…no, no touching,” said Clarke, making an odd face. Lexa turned her head.

“Clarke, are you okay?” asked Lexa. Clarke rubbed her face.

“Yeah,” she said. She shifted in her head. “Yeah, of course.”

“I don’t believe you,” said Lexa. Clarke sighed. 

“Nothing gets past you, does it?” she said. 

“A lot of stuff goes past me, Clarke. I’m autistic. I don’t get social cues,” Lexa said. “do you need something?” Clarke opened and closed her mouth. 

“I’m fine,” she said. Lexa sighed and looked around the messy apartment.

“You’re still lying, but that’s fine,” she said. “But I’m going to pick up some trash.” Lexa leaned over and began picking up the pizza boxes and pill bottles.

“Thank you, Lexa,” said Clarke quietly. Lexa nodded. She started picking up the garbage and shoving it into the bag. All the stuff she that wasn’t trash, Lexa put on the coffee table. Clarke watched her out the corner of her eyes.

“What were you doing before I got here?” asked Lexa. Clarke shrugged.

“Sleeping,” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. She didn’t believe her. Clarke leaned back and closed her eyes. Lexa continued picking up for a few minutes.

“Lexa?” Clarke whispered. Lexa turned around.

“Yes, Clarke?” she said. Lexa wanted over and kneeled down next to her, trying her best to make eye contact. Eye contact comforts people. And Clarke sounded like she needed it. 

“Uh…I haven’t seen Raven in a little while and…Look, I know this is super gross. I just…” she stuttered. Lexa’s forehead creased. 

“What’s wrong, Clarke?” she asked. Clarke gulped and looked away.

“Could you empty my drains?” she said. Lexa blinked for a minute as it clicked.

“Oh,” she said. “Like the ones that are coming from inside you?” Clarke nodded slowly. 

“I know that it’s a lot to ask but…” Lexa nodded.

“Just tell me what to do,” she said. Clarke smiled, relieved.

“Thank you,” she said. “Wash your hands in the bathroom and get the first aid kit there…”  
***********************************************************************************  
Clarke’s scars had healed a lot since then. Lexa looked over Clarke’s body as Clarke slowly stripped. 

“Like what you see, baby?” asked Clarke. Lexa leaned back and licked her lips. 

“I’m not a baby,” she mumbled. “I know its supposed to be sexy, but as someone who is often called baby as an insult, I find it remarkably unsexy.” Clarke threw her head back and burst out laughing.

“I love you, Lexa,” said Clarke. Lexa’s eyebrows creased. Clarke reached out and touched her face. “I’m not making fun of you, Lexa. I appreciate your honesty, and I love how direct you are.”

“Is it hot?” asked Lexa. Clarke leaned over and kissed her on the lips. 

“Very,” said Clarke. She stepped over and straddled Lexa. She pushed Lexa’s hair behind her shoulders and cupped her neck. “You know, there’s only one rule in sex. You have to tell me how you’re feeling, and if you want me to stop. And if you want me to stop, you have to tell me no matter what, understand?” Lexa nodded. “Tell me.”

“I understand that I have to tell you if I’m uncomfortable,” she said. Clarke nodded.

“Good. And we’re going to take it slow,” said Clarke. She smirked at Lexa and rubbed her shoulders. She gently pressed Lexa’s face into her chest. Lexa moaned.

“Nice,” said Lexa. She reached her arms around the back of Clarke and hugged her. Clarke smiled and tried not to moan as Lexa nuzzled into her. 

“There you go,” said Clarke. “You like my boobs, don’t you?” Lexa nodded. “Do you wanna lick them, lovey?” Lexa paused before Clarke felt her tongue on her.

“Ohh…” said Clarke. Lexa spent a long moment kissing and sucking at Clarke’s breasts. Clarke’s eyes rolled back in her head. Clarke reached and slid her fingers under Lexa’s shirt. Lexa almost flinched. Clarke’s hands flew off her. She sat back. 

“Lexa?” asked Clarke. Lexa had her eyes squeezed shut. 

“S-sorry. It was an impulse,” she said. “I want it…I just…” 

“Hey, hey it’s okay, Lex,” said Clarke. “I get it.” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and squeezed it. Lexa sighed and opened her eyes. 

“I want to take off my shirt,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded. Lexa pulled her own shirt off. Clarke sucked in a breath. 

“Can I touch you?” she asked. Lexa nodded. Clarke slid her hands over Lexa’s abs. Lexa shivered. “All good?” Lexa nodded. She was so overpowered by the simple touch.

“It’s good…” Clarke smiled. She stood up and slid off her pants and underwear. Lexa’s eyes went wide. “Wow…” She grabbed Lexa’s hand and ran them over her body. Lexa’s finger padded over her scars. 

“Do they hurt?” asked Lexa. Clarke shook her head. 

“Not really…not anymore,” she said. Lexa nodded. 

“C-can I…?” Clarke slid Lexa’s hand lower. Lexa ran in through the wiry hair on Clarke’s pubis. Clarke leaned over and kissed Lexa’s neck. Lexa touched Clarke’s clit. She moaned. 

“That’s so good, Lex,” she said. “Keep going.” 

Lexa continued to touch her as Clarke tugged on her wrist. Her body rocked against Lexa’s. It felt like a lot, but not enough at the same time. She felt so…at peace. Even sweaty and close, it felt right. Clarke bit at her neck as she moved Clarke closer and closer to her climax. 

“L-lexa—fuck, I’m so close. Don’t st-stop,” Clarke gasped. “Fuck—fuck---LEXA!” Clarke clenched around Lexa’s fingers and bit down on her neck. Lexa herself felt a wave of pleasure. They both collapsed forward on the bed in a tangle of limbs. Clarke sighed.

“Ready for me to return the favor?” she asked as Lexa removed her fingers. Lexa shook her head and pressed her herd into Clarke’s hip bone. 

“Let’s cuddle instead.”


	3. Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa is cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter!! I'll try to update again by the end of next week. I hope you all enjoy!!

Clarke smushed her face into the warm thing that was next to her. It moved away. Clarke blinked and reached around.

“Lexa…?” Clarke mumbled. 

“I’m sticky,” said Lexa. Clarke smiled. 

“Good morning, love,” said Clarke. Lexa had rolled away from her and was looking under the sheets. “Are you okay?” Lexa nodded slowly. Clarke sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Lexa, look at me.” Lexa looked up. “Are you okay?” 

“I wanna take a shower,” said Lexa. Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“Lexa,” she said. 

“Last night was fine,” said Lexa. “That’s what you’re worried about? I just feel icky. I need to shower. Do you have towels?” Clarke got up and pulled a blanket around her shoulders. 

“Here, I’ll get it for you. Get in the bathroom,” she said. Lexa walked into the bathroom. Clarke pulled a towel out from her linens closet. She picked up Lexa’s boxers from the floor in front of the bathroom and threw them in her hamper. Clarke dug through her drawer and pulled out a pair of Lexa’s boxers and one of her own t-shirts and sweat pants. She walked through the open bathroom door and placed it on the sink.

“I got you clothes and towel. It’s on the sink,” she said. 

“Thank you,” said Lexa. Clarke smiled and shook her head. Clarke laid back on her bed and looked through her phone. She tries not to think of how anxious Lexa had been when she woke up. She wan’t sure what she expected. Lex had never had sex before. Clarke felt like they both really enjoyed it… Clarke rubbed her face. She heard Lexa humming and the wrap of her knocking on the porcelain of the tub. 

Clarke had been hoping that Lexa would be…more open after sex. But maybe that was naïve. Or mean. Lexa wasn’t going to display affection like a neurotypical person just because they fucked. And it was kind of gross to even think that. She shook the thoughts from her head. God, she shouldn’t think like that. Lexa was worth so much more than that. Clarke sighed, scolding herself as the water turned off. 

“Clarke?” Lexa walked back in drying her hair. Clarke looked up. 

“Hey,” she said. Lexa bit her lip and handed Clarke the towel. Clarke through it into the hamper. 

“I’m sorry if I was rude when I woke up. I was uncomfortable, and I wanted to shower,” she said. Clarke shook her head. 

“Lexa, it’s fine,” she said. “I was just worried that…”

“I enjoyed pleasuring you,” said Lexa. “It felt good…” Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa on the forehead and leaned over to kiss her on the mouth. Lexa jerked back and smirked. 

“Brush your teeth,” she said. “You’ve got morning breath.” Clarke scoffed and swatted lightly at Lexa’s ass, tapping it and giving it a squeeze. Lexa giggled. Clarke got in the bathroom, locked the door, and got into the shower. She let the hot water run down her back. She leaned against the wall and ran her hand over the scars on her hips. She took a car for Lexa. She’s seen her at worse. They’ve both seen each other at both their worse.

Clarke slid her hand lower and debated just jacking off. She could hear Lexa moving around her apartment and dropped her hand. She finished up showering and walked out in a t-shirt and underwear. 

Lexa was on the couch in the living room, scrolling through her phone. Clarke sat down next to her.

“Hey,” Clarke said. She sat down next to her. “Can I hold you?” Lexa nodded slowly. Clarke put her hand around Lexa’s shoulder and pulled her into her lap. Clarke kiss the shell of her ear. “How do you feel?” 

“Fine,” she said. “Last night was nice, if that’s what you’re asking about. I liked touching you. I’m sorry I didn’t want you to touch me.”

“It’s okay,” said Clarke. “Don’t apologize for that. I understand. You never have to apologize for not wanting to do something.” Lexa nodded. “So what are we gonna do today?” 

“I have homework,” said Lexa. 

“Do you want me to take you home to do it?” Clark said. Lexa sighed.

“Maybe?” she said.

“If you want to do it, that’s fine, I’ll take you home,” Clarke said. Lexa sat back from Clarke. Lexa bit her lip and made a face. 

“I want to do my routine,” said Lexa. “But I want to be with you…” 

“We can do both,” said Clarke. “I can sit with you while you do your homework. Will that work?” Lexa opened and closed her mouth. Lexa clenched her fits. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Clarke turned so they were facing each other. Lexa took a deep breath and tried to release the tension Clarke could see in her shoulders. She looked like she might be sick. Clarke reached out for Lexa and stopped herself. “What’s wrong?” Lexa squeezed her eyes shut. Clarke scooted a little closer. “Lexa, tell me what’s wrong.” 

“I-I don’t wanna decide…” said Lexa. She rubbed her head. Clarke bit her lips and shook her head. It would have been funny if it wasn’t stressing Lexa out so much.

“We can do whatever you want, Lexa,” said Clarke. Lexa ran her hands through her hair. 

“That’s the problem,” Lexa whined. Clarke shushed her.

“Hey, okay,” she said. “Let’s take you home. We can go from there, okay?” Lexa gulped and nodded. “Can I kiss you?” Lexa nodded. Clarke leaned over and kissed the top of her head. 

“I’m sorry,” said Lexa quietly. Clarke shook her head. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” she said. Lexa’s jaw flexed.

“I don’t like sleeping in not my bed…But I wanted to have sex with you. And I can’t do that at my house because my family lives there. You kicked Raven out.” Clarke snorted. 

“I didn’t kick her out. I asked her to give us some space,” said Clarke. “And I’m so glad that you were willing to stay over with me and be uncomfortable.” Lexa nodded.

“Let’s go home now,” said Lexa.

“I think I might needs to put on some pants first,” said Clarke, getting up. Lexa looked down at her. 

“I like you not wearing pants, but I don’t think Indra would,” said Lexa. Clarke snorted. 

“Come on, you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I feel like someone is probably going to be mad about how I wrote Clarke. Clarke thinks some shitty things about Lexa. And she knows they're wrong. They haven't been dating for long and both of them need to learn how their relationship is going to work. Clarke will learn to accept all aspects of Lexa. And Lexa will learn to understand Clarke.


	4. Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa talks with Anya and Indra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Another chapter. I hope you like it. I know Lexa's acting a little differently in this fic, but it has been a few months in hte timeline between THaLoF and this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. I love hearing everyone's comments.
> 
>  
> 
> (SPOILERS) Lexa kind of has a a meltdown, and I hope I handed it in a good way. Also I'm not sure how I feel about her talk with Indra. If it offended anyone, let me know.

“Clarke and I had sex,” said Lexa. Anya stopped eating her cereal, it dripping out of her mouth.

“You what?” she said, her mouth still full. Lexa sat on the island in the middle of the kitchen, swinging her legs back and forth.

“I fucked her, I think,” said Lexa. “I mean…I penetrated her with my finger until she came.” Anya dropped her spoon. The milk splashed up from the spoon. 

“Is that why you were acting so weird yesterday? It was afterglow?” said Anya. Lexa smirked and shrugged. “Goddamn, Squirt.” Anya leaned over and ruffled her hair. “Was she respectful? Did she hurt you?” 

“We talked about it before and after,” said Lexa. “I told her I didn’t want her to put her fingers in me, and she didn’t try to ask me to.” Anya nodded. 

“Good,” she said. “That’s good.”

“It was nice. I really liked it. She’s soft,” said Lexa. Anya shook her head.

“Alright, bud. You are getting into the too much detail territory,” she said. Lexa nodded. She paused. “You can’t go around telling everyone that you and Clarke fucked, okay? Like that’s not a thing you talk about to people you don’t know very well…or just people in general, okay?” Lexa nodded.

“I’m happy that you found someone that makes you happy,” said Anya. “And I’m proud of you for putting yourself out there and dating her. You’ve grown so much. I’m so proud of you.” Lexa smiled shyly and nodded. 

“You’re proud of me for having sex?” asked Lexa. Anya sighed.

“No, I’m proud of you for…wait, are you kidding?” said Anya. Lexa smirked and shrugged. “Goddamn it, Lexa.” They were quiet as Lexa grabbed her fruit and Anya continued eating.

“I, uh, I think I want to move in with Clarke,” said Lexa. Anya choked.

“Could you top dropping this big news on me while I’m eating?”

“I’m sorry,” said Lexa. Anya shook her head. 

“I’m kidding, but God, are you? You haven’t known her for that long. Hell, you’ve only been dating for a few months,” Anya said. “She’s your first girlfriend. You shouldn’t move this fast.” Lexa shrugged. 

“But I like her,” said Lexa. Anya sighed. 

“Lexa…she’s going to have feelings about this too,” said Anya. “You can’t just…decide things for people. And you can say you’re in love with people you just met.”

“I haven’t just met her!” Lexa protested. Anya shook her head. 

“There are some things you just don’t understand, Lexa,” she said. “You aren’t ready.” Lexa bit her lip. “You’re an adult. You need to think things through.” Lexa felt her eyes water. 

“I was happy,” said Lexa. “You’re making me unhappy. St-stop.” Anya sighed.

“Lexa…” said Anya. Lexa shook her head. 

She ran back to her room and slammed her door. She pulled her comforter over her head and pulled her laptop on her lap. She stared at it. She wanted to do her homework. She wanted to talk to Clarke. She wanted Anya not to be mad at her. Lexa put her laptop down, shoved her face in her pillow and screamed. She heard a knock on the door.

“Go away! I’m angry!” said Lexa.

“It’s me, Lexa,” said Indra. Lexa groaned.

“I don’t want to talk, and you say you have to respect my privacy and leave me alone if I ask,” said Lexa. “I’m an adult!” 

“You are an adult, Lexa. I’m just concerned,” said Indra. It got quiet. “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be downstairs.” She heard Indra walk away. Lexa pressed her face farther into the pillow. Her chest felt tight. She hated how frustrated she felt with everyone but Clarke. She wasn’t a child. She knew what she was doing. She knew how to be an adult. She was capable and smart and no one was treating her like that. Goddamnit, she’s come along so far, but she still could be hurt over the little things that Anya said to her. God, maybe she was just a kid…

She pulled the blankets tighter around herself, reaching for her fidget cube in her pocket. She clicked the switch back and forth. Why was everything so hard? Everything was bad. As a kid, her parents abandoned her. She got abused in foster care, when she finally was becoming normal, someone tried to cure her, ruining her progress. And then Clarke…

Lexa didn’t realize she was crying until she felt the wet spot on her pillow. Why couldn’t she just be happy?

Lexa’s door opened. 

“Lexa…” said Indra. “It’s been over an hour.” Lexa sniffled and lifted her head up. Indra gave her a sad smile as she saw her tear stained face. “May I sit?” She gestured at Lexa’s bed. Lexa nodded. Indra reached out her hand, and Lexa grabbed it. “What’s going through your head?” 

“Everything…is a lot,” said Lexa. Indra nodded. 

“You’ve had a lot happen over the last few months,” she said. “Over the last…year or two…” Lexa nodded and wiped her nose on the back of her arm. “You’ve been trying very hard, and you’ve been doing so well. I’m so proud of the woman you have grown into. I’m so glad I could be your mother.” Lexa nodded. 

“What you went through with that…despicable man is hard. Navigating adult relationships is hard,” Indra continued. “I was talking with Kane—” Lexa’s head sprung up. “Don’t give me that look. I’m worried. I can worry.” Lexa shrugged and looked back down at the cube. “He suggested that you see a councilor.”

“No,” said Lexa. Indra snorted. 

“Let me finish,” she said. “I want you to be independent, but I don’t want you to be alone. I know you don’t want to tell me everything about you and your relationship with Clarke. And you shouldn’t feel like you need to.”

“So I use a shrink to see whether or nor I’m acting neurotypical rather than you or Anya,” said Lexa. Indra nodded and tilted her hand back and forth.

“If you want to view it that way, but I was more thinking that you would make sure that Clarke understands you. And you have had…a lot of hardships. You need to be able to…deal with that. I want you to be healthy and happy. I know you’ve had a bad experience with therapists, but this is one of Dr. Kane’s friends. I would like you to at least try it…” Lexa nodded. “You don’t have to say anything now. You can take a few days to decide.” Lexa nodded again. “I love you.”

“Me too,” said Lexa. “I, um, I love you too.” Indra reached over and squeezed her shoulder.

“Are you going to be okay?” said Indra. Lexa nodded. She sniffled again.

“I don’t—I don’t know how to do ay of this,” said Lexa. Indra smiled sadly. 

“No one does, my brave little warrior,” said Indra.

“They can all pretend better than me,” said Lexa. Indra shrugged. 

“So? Social conventions are garbage. It’s much more important to be who you are,” said Indra. She paused. “But be polite and don’t burp in people’s faces.” Indra smiled. “You will do great things, Lexa. I believe in you.”


End file.
